What do you do for a dead baby aka Holidays are rough.

16 weeks and 4 days of straight hell.

This past Sunday was Thomas' Easter. We sent Easter baskets to our niece and nephew and got back very nice and thankful responses and told how thoughtful we are as an Aunt and Uncle.  And I was filled with rage. Where are Evangeline's aunts and uncles. Not one of them acknowledged her on Easter. She was supposed to have an Easter basket too. A sweet little dress that worked well with her ginger curls. No curls at birth but I know they would be getting curly just about now.  

I'm miserable about this. Just because she's dead doesn't mean she doesn't deserve a gift.  Rationally, I understand why a dead baby doesn't get a gift, but don't we need them more than live babies do?  Not an anonymous blanket or dress, but having something thoughtful for her would be so helpful.  It would secure her place in our life... in our family.  We are so afraid that her life will not be remembered, because where we are right now, it doesn't feel like she is remembered.  What does the long term look like?

She never got any parties or pretties or rites of passage because we were so afraid something would happen.  I know that Evangeline needed sane and calm parents to keep her alive those 9 months, but I do wish that we had been able to celebrate her outwardly.

Suggestions could be dedicating a tree or a bench, planting a garden, adopting an animal at the zoo, giving a donation in her name, paying for trees to be donated to a National Forest in her name, donating books to a library in her name, so many thoughtful things that exist.  The key is... doing something in Evangeline's name.  Celebrating her. Allowing one more person to know that she existed.

We adopted a flamingo at the National Zoo for her for Orthodox Easter.  I ache to see my Evangeline's name in print.  The first time we saw it was on her cremation certificate. The first time I wrote it was on the cremation paperwork. I need to change this story for us and for her.

My advice... take 30 seconds out of your day to reach out to us. You have no idea how special that would be for us.  Then go back to avoiding how uncomfortable this all is. We get to face it head on all day every day.  So sorry this is too much for you to handle. This wasn't our plan either.